These are the written responses I received in response to, “Assault and Turning the Page.”

Content Warning: Mention of Sexual Violence

Thank you. Thank you so much for all of your support and love. I copied/pasted everyone’s reactions to my story. This may be periodically updated with more people’s comments. I’m publishing this so that those thinking about coming out with their own story can see the kinds of messages I received. Alternatively, for those not comfortable sharing their own experience(s), I hope this page will lend some support on the journey of healing.

This post is broken down into categories of: other victims, friends (female), friends (male), professional contacts (male), past partners, and the few written responses of family members. Once again, these are only the reactions I received in writing. A lot of support (and discussion) came from people wanting to talk in-person or over the phone.

Written reactions to the story itself:

From other victims:

Anne, I don’t think I really have the words to adequately express how sorry I am that this happened to you. I am in awe of the courage it took/takes to take such an intensely, profoundly horrific experience and put out for others to see and underhand. To be vulnerable. To combat some of the narratives that people are better for their traumas or the narratives surrounding sexual violence. I hope you know that I’ll do my best to be there for you as turn the page. You know just as well as anybody that the path to healing isn’t linear or easy, just know that if you need an ear or anything else, they are a phone call or text away. To be honest, I’m just proud that I know you. You’re funny, smart, ambitious, and strong. Women like you have been kicking ass and taking names for all of history. You are not alone. You are believed. You are loved. You are powerful, strong, and determined. Cato said “I’ll only begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid”, this all needed to be said. Thank you for having the courage to say it.

I love you, and it was so powerful. This line: “I felt pressured to justify my word choice as if convincing others of my story’s legitimacy was part and parcel to saying “rape” or “sexual assault” in the first place.” So real. How are you feeling?

Jesus. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing better. I know we haven’t really hung out much, but if you ever need to talk or something I’m here. I had something similar happen. I really liked the part where you said, “The violation of my space, my body, and my home felt completely alien and I froze under the lack of familiarity.” That was really powerful. And relatable.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story. You are a strong, amazing, brilliant, talented and beautiful woman that I have had the pleasure of knowing and working alongside. Take comfort in that strength, and knowing that your words are important to your healing process and others like us who have gone through something so unimaginable. Lots of love and strength your way <3

Thank you! You’re stronger than you may even realize, Anne. It breaks my heart to hear that this happened to you. I am tremendously sorry. However, I thank you for having the bravery to share your story. You are an inspiration. I know it was not easy. I’ve only been able to do so with a few people because I was ashamed that it had happened to me. Even more so, that it had happened more than once. I, too, doubted myself. After the first time, I have convinced myself that I had somehow, some way, *allowed* it happen a second and third time. It took me a while to realize that none of it had been my fault. Surrounding myself with happy, positive people and talking to those selected people who I’ve shared my story with has helped me so much in the healing process. It’s still a constant struggle but with time, it has become far less difficult to talk about. I no longer cry uncontrollably or isolate myself or mope. It’s not something that will ever go away or be forgotten, but with time you will be okay and you will heal. Please know that I am here for you should you ever need it.

Anne, thank you for sharing your story. I had my own version of this experience also and have found it impossible to speak at times, embarrassing, confusing. You are so so brave for sharing with the world and, in that, saying it is not okay for these things to happen. I really admire your courage and your will, and I’m here if you ever want to talk about it with someone, or just work on the healing. So much love to you, sending you big hugs <3 Thank you for being a champion for us all.

Anne!!!!!!!!!!! God dammit there aren’t words. So much love going your way. I was molested as a kid. I feel your pain, you are magnificent and powerful in revealing your truth. You are powerful and beautiful and I pray your path of healing is transforming and liberating. <3

I just finished reading it. That is terrible what you went through and I hope nothing ever happens to you again. You are so sweet and it sucks the shitty people that exist in this world. I have had things happen but not nearly as severe as yours. You are also an excellent writer.

Truly thank you for sharing. (I hate how cheesy that sounds). Unfortunately can resonate with parts of your story. If there’s anything within our grad school setting that is uncomfortable/I may be able to help with please let me know. Idk, I feel weirdly protective of other ppl with PTSD. I still struggle with it sometimes but the worst of it seems to be behind me.

I respect you and have been through similar trauma. Thank you for sharing. You have no idea.

Love you. Thank you. Proud of you.

… I really have loved watching you kick ALL the ass in grad school and sharing your journey through your traumatic experiences. I was assaulted in undergrad and never sought help, but seeing you post about therapy gave me the push I needed to talk to one of our counselors when I was struggling in my first year of med school. You are an inspiration, a role model, and fierce in many ways. I am lucky to know you …

You’re not alone. I went through the same thing—and knowing the courage and strength it takes throughout the healing journey, I’m proud of you. Keep sharing all the parts of you that make you who are, and don’t apologize for it! Your authenticity is more than welcomed. ♥

From friends (female):

Love you <3

I still have goosebumps from reading your article. holy fuck anne. i had no idea about any of this but im so angry and so sorry this happened to you. you’re so brave for sharing, especially with something thats so difficult to talk about and come to terms with. please let me know if you ever need a friend ❤

I love you. Thank you for sharing a reality that so many women face and yet cant discuss for so many reasons. You are so strong.

Love you, sweet girl. Hope to see you around soon so I can give you a great big hug! ?

Anne, I have no words. But my heart hurts for you. It is so important that you shared your story. For healing, for education and empowerment of women today. Sending love your way.

This is so powerful! I hope that everyone reads your words to remember that stuff like this actually happens to normal people who “didn’t do anything wrong”.

Always here for you <3 thank you for being there when I needed you (even on Twitter!)

It took me a little time to find the words to express how this makes me feel because it angers me and hurts to know that one of my closest friends has had to experience this. But I am so lucky to have such a courageous and intelligent friend in you. My daughter is lucky to have you in her life as a role model and an example of what a strong woman looks like. I love you, and you know I’m always here.

You are so brave and I am so proud of you ?

I am angry and broken for you, friend. This will never be anything less than tragic and outrageous. I love you, am grateful to know you and support you. I wish there were something more meaningful I could directly say or do for you. But I will pray for your healing Anne. I love you, friend.

You inspired me before this; now you’ve done so in another dimension of who you are.

No one deserves to go through such a thing, and I’m sorry you had to. You’re such a brave girl to share your story and just be able to talk about it. That really takes courage. Stay strong beautiful girl???

Ok.

I really just wanted to say I love you. The pen is mightier than the sword has never been a truer statement when reading Your story. I wanted to see how you were this weekend to kinda check cause your voice on the phone is always so strong that when I heard the words I was shocked. I know we also talked about doing things for yourself. As your friend I am so inspired by seeing you do something so cathartic for you.
Love, [redacted].

I am so sorry this happened to you Anne! Nobody deserves to go home though that. I know you have a lot of support but please don’t ever hesitate to reach out if you need anything. I’m always here for ya! ?

Holy shit. Dude… idk what to say. I’m so sorry.

There are so many things I want to say but I need to find the way to articulate them. I think of you often and would love to get together with you once I’m back in San Diego! [Redacted] street for life, yo.

??? so much love for you. I commend you for sharing, it’s scary out there to be seen as a ‘victim’, you are extremely strong for owning your story and speaking out, and I know your words are helping others so thank you , youll always have a friend in SC ???

Thank you so so much for sharing this. I respect the hell out of you, and I admire you so damn much for having the courage to tell your story. I know we only talk like once a year, but please know that if you ever need me I am here. Thank you for putting these words into the world, and for your fearless vulnerability ?

Anne, you are one of the strongest women I know. I love you, and I am sorry that someone could cause you this much pain. I wish I could take it away for you. Thank you for sharing your story and bringing attention to this reality. I have always envied your strength, beauty, and writing abilities. Always here for you ❤️

That was amazingly written. You are definitely talented, but the story itself and the telling of it is really brave. Not going to say good job or you poor thing because it’s an understatement and you’re stronger than that! But have you considered submitting it somewhere? I think the sad ting is most women can relate and aren’t strong enough to admit something was rape or wrong and this story challenges that false though. It’s definitely empowering in a strange way and I bet it would be invaluable to many.

Love you, Anne <3 <3 <3 <3

Lady. I am so so so sorry this happened to you. You’re so strong for writing about it for us to read. Sending you lots of love <3 <3 <3

Wow Anne. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you even more for bearing yourself. There are no words to articulate how I truly felt while reading your accounts but heavy and upset will suffice. I am sorry to know this happened to you ? You are strong for recording it, in the detail that you did. I admire your brains and braun. I know we’re not that close but I am always here to listen. Thank you again sweet lady. ???

Hey Anne, I read your story and I’m so incredibly sorry for what happened to you. I’m amazed that you’ve been carrying around that pain for so long without ever letting on. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and I know I don’t have words to make it better, but if I can help you in any way possible please don’t hesitate to ask me, even though we live far apart. I think it was really brave to share your story and I hope it helps you to start to heal. Love you girl

As a mom, I want to just grab you in my arms and hold you tight! There are no words of consolation as I know the kind of emotional pain you are going through. Although pain and emotions lessen over time, it is something that will stay with you and ultimately make you stronger. Hugs and love to you my ? sister!

Wow that was so raw and real. I am so sorry that happened to you. You have my support and let me know if you ever need anything!

Anne, I just read your post, I am so sorry. You deserve so much better and so does everyone else. I hope if there is anything I can do you will please reach out. I wish I could do something but I know the healing process is personal, please know you are not alone and I hope that you know you are loved. And again, if there is ANYTHING I can do, do not hesitate!

This left me shaking. Anne, I admire your raw honesty and bravery for putting your story out there. I’m so thankful to call you friend ❤️

You are strong and I am so sorry you had to go through what did and what you still are but thank you for sharing and I hope the days get easier <3

I’m sure you’re being flooded with messages right now. I wanted to reach out to you because fb memories just reminded me of when you were a student teacher and mr [redacted] was still using our project. I want those blueprints lol!

But then I read your post. The whole thing. It shook me from the inside out. Your reality is what nightmares are made of and you are not alone. I know nothing anyone does can fix it or make it better. But I just want you to know, if you ever want to escape for a little, whenever, my husband and I live in Denver and we have an extra room. The offer will always be on the table. My whole heart to you.

Been reading your posts lately and I admire you so much ??

Anne – I’ve been thinking about your story all day after reading it last night. I really admire & appreciate you for sharing it. I’m happy to read that you’re taking care of yourself & are thriving!! Just wanted to drop by real quick to say that. Just ‘liking’ the post felt strange, I wanted to convey my gratitude and admiration.

Read your story. Thank you for being a courageous badass. You’re one inspiring kickass person who no doubt will continue to be an advocate and inspiration to so many others through your tenacity, empathy, grit and strength to keep going when it is so dark. I really admire your openness to vulnerability which will help so many who sadly have shared similar horrid traumas. May God bless you ❤️ you rock & you give me hope. Thank you for posting. So glad your getting help too from a trauma specialist. And the fact that youre still kicking ass and living your life- I hope you like applaud yourself and are damn proud of yourself. ? even if you have to cry a billion more times, that’s awesome. Cheers to growth and healing.

You’re a powerful woman.

I just finished reading it. That is terrible what you went through and I hope nothing ever happens to you again. You are so sweet and it sucks the shitty people that exist in this world. I have had things happen but nearly as severe as yours.

You are also an excellent writer.

Just read it. Thank you for sharing this, it is very beautifully written and really fucking terrible.

I’m so proud of you.

I saw your Instagram story/read your writing. I don’t even know what to say besides to acknowledge that I’ve seen it and the anger/hate that was apparent. And then I’m going to be dick and drop a “Ts & Ps.” I read all of the replies to your story too. Thinking about how many of those people knew him and wouldn’t have been so supportive if you named him — and that made me so angry to think about, so I can only imagine that’s a fraction of what you feel.

I have no words ♥ ♥ ♥

Read it. ♥ with you and I’m so sorry. I know you have your own supportive friends and systems in place but, if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here. And I understand.

From friends (male):

Anne, there isn’t anything I or anyone could say to help you forget the shit you’ve been through, or even understand on the same level. I can’t even have imagined when we meet you’ve been through all this. You are so confident, energetic, friendly, but I’m sure it’s hard to be that sometimes, and that I can understand, if even just a little.
You don’t deserve the things that have happened, but the good in your life, the friends, family, the college of you dreams are all deserved 100fold. Anne, you keep on kicking ass, and your friends are right here no matter what.

<3

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. That must have been the hardest thing.

We will keep you in our prayers. Stay strong! Reach out to [redacted] and I if you need anything.

I just read your post and thought it was very cool you were able to be that vulnerable with everyone…especially if some of your friends are going through something similar so they can feel more comfortable talking about it. Very powerful

I don’t really know what to say, or even if my words will help, but I just want to thank you. Sharing YOUR story is incredible and it’s something I’ve passed on to someone I know who’s been affected by a similar situation. I’m sorry Anne… that’s the only thing I can think of saying.

You’re one of, if not the, best storytellers I know. Your thoughts are so clearly expressed in your writing, and you never seem to be withholding important details. Above all, you’re freaking smart. You get the bigger picture, you understand that each story is complex and you avoid cliches. It’s hard to believe you’re not a professional writer. Then again, you’re smart and chose a more stable career.

I’ve thought all of these things since I became your friend and especially since we started emailing years ago, although I’m writing them now because of this story. You told such a difficult story so honestly, which isn’t surprising. Honesty is one of your best traits. It’s sickening that bad stuff happens to such good people, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re an awesome person.

I’m here for you, which is an annoyingly cliche thing to write, but I’m not as talented as you and can’t find a more effective way to put it. If you want to discuss another feature, chat about each other’s lives, break down why the NBA is so much better than the NHL, or something else, I’m happy to do it. You’re truly a great friend, one of your many gifts.

I just want you to know that you’re the best

Anne,
Thanks for posting. This is incredibly heartbreaking, but well-written and necessary. You’re helping everyone by bringing this to light.

The more these stories are published, the better our future selves will be (speaking mostly for men, but truly everyone benefits from a culture of openness here).

❤️

So sad and enraging and powerful at the same time, gave me chills. In awe of your strength, friend!

And your writing was great too, definitely still got it

Like all of these other fine people, you know I’m around if you ever need to talk. Proud that you haven’t let these awful things keep you from charging forward.

Wow Anne. First off thanks so much for sharing that with me, but I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through all of that. I can’t image how hard just opening up about that must be. And going forward, if you ever want to talk about anything, just simply talk, you can always hit my line. WHENEVER. Given that you’re actually one of the smartest and strongest people I know, idk how much I’d have to offer :), but I’m great at listening and always have time. And when I say talk, I mean about anything cause I just like to hear what you’re up to :))))

Hi Anne, just wanted to send you some hugs and love, read your story, what horrible experiences, I’m sorry you’ve had to encounter men like that. It’s a very strong move to come out with a story like this thou, so stay strong. Other than being a horrible story I must say that you are very articulate in your writing. Best of luck in your next chapter!

Hey just read your story. I’m so sorry you had to endure that. You are an extremely strong woman. If you ever need to someone to talk to I’ll always be here for you.

I just want to thank you for sharing your person stories/experiences — one day at a time — just know you have long lost friends rooting for you.

I’m just sorry it took this for me to reach out. Surely you have some people to talk with, but while across the US, I’m always available.

I still can’t find the words to express my thoughts on what happened to you. Mostly it is disappointment for and infuriation against how people are being raised to be so careless for other people. Rather than actually giving a little to help each other get better. My heart breaks for how strong you are to brazenly stand and to tell your story so eloquently. You always have my support if you are in need

Thank you for sharing, hope you find happiness everyday!

I read your story.. I am so shocked… I’m so sorry that happened. It shouldn’t happen to anyone. You are so amazing and so strong!

Dear dear Anne beautifully written and I am beyond sad at what happened- you are a joy and it pains me that you are still enduring this trauma. Know this whole family loves you!

Hey, meant to text you earlier, but I just wanted to reach out and say SOMETHING about your post. Not really sure what to say except I’m sorry. That’s fucked and i had no idea. I’m sure it took an incredible amount of courage to open up like that. Hopefully, at the least, it gives other victims the courage to do the same. And I hope you’re doing OK

I just read this Anne, so forgive me for echoing what so many others have said. But I am proud to say that I know you, that we worked together, and that we are friends. It was shocking and sickening to read what happened, but I think its awesome that you are able to talk about it and surge back. And jeez, if that writing was you being rusty then look out world

Wow… I can’t even imagine how hard that was to type, let alone share it with everyone. I admire the strength that that must have taken and I’m sure you’re not alone and just the fact that you opened up about your experience definitely helped someone else who has/is going through something similar. I wish the world wasn’t such a nasty place. I also wish there wasn’t such a stigma surrounding this sensitive topic. I wish you the best, Anne.

Anne,

You’ve been a motivation and inspiration to me since I met you freshman year of college. This article just proves to me that you are one of the strongest women I have ever met in my life. I am so sorry that you went through all of that, even over countless talks while all of this was happening, I never truly grasped the scope of the situation until I read this.

The ways in which you wrote, describing every detail, shattered the barriers created by the internet and plastered the reality of sexual assault and rape across our screens. It shows a grotesque and dark side of the world that I can only hope many of us never experience. But for those who have experienced this, you show them that they are not alone and that experiences like this can be over come. Thank you for writing, for opening up to all of us, and for trying to help the world heal, as you heal.

Thank you for sharing. It was honestly difficult to read because I was just with you and it hurts me to think about you going through that. I also feel angry…. but I’m struggling for words. I think for me this is a “breathe in the truth, accept it, and feel what you gotta feel” moment. Because my urge is to REACH OUT and help somehow but I know that’s not necessarily what you’re asking for nor need from me. I appreciate your vulnerability and your trust in sharing that with me.

My sincerest apologies.

Anne you have to make him pay for what he did to you. Imagine if he’s running around doing this to other women.

Thank you for sharing this.

I read the whole thing. You’re a courageous soul for putting your story out there. You’re a warrior for continuing to endure the healing. You’re a badass for helping survivors feel heard!

Hey Anne,

I know this is random especially because we don’t know each other very well, but after having read your story I wanted to reach out. I wanted to say that it’s very brave of you to share your story. I’m sure it must have been difficult to share but it’s very strong of you to do so, not only to take ownership but to also help others. I just wanted to tell you that if you even need someone to talk to or help you in any way ( even if it’s something as small as walking you to your car ) I’m here for you.

The important thing is that you’re doing better, right? So, uh. Can I ask questions?

I re-read your assault post again tonight. Maybe we can talk about it some other time, but I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you had to go through such horrible things. If there’s ever anything I can do to help, or any triggers to avoid, etc., just let me know.

From professional contacts (male):

Very powerful. I don’t know that I have specific words. I wish I had a better, more coherent response than, “wow.” I’m sorry.

Anne, it took a lot of courage to share your story, thank you for doing so. Wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away, but I don’t. My heart goes out to you. Mr. [Redacted]

Wow, Anne.

I had no idea. I was only able to read the first part of this, but will finish it later this evening. I wanted you to know in the meantime that I admire you for publishing this and sharing your story. I agree that it can help others, whether they experience something similar or someday may be put in a situation like yours.

I have to run now, but will check back in later.

…

I stayed after school to read this in the quiet of my classroom. Thank you for sharing it with me. I hope it provided the catharsis that you mention at the end. Is there anything I can do for you? Please. I can’t imagine it’s easy to share this or to have to relive the experiences each time someone references this post. I’m really sorry you’ve had to deal with this. You shouldn’t have to. These things should not have happened to you, or to anyone for that matter. I find myself feeling angry that they happened to you. That said, I’m glad you shared it with me. I have to believe that each person who reads this will be affected by it. For any mean who do this, hopefully they can see the pain they cause another person. For any victims of this, hopefully, they can feel a little alone and a little more of something positive (though I don’t know what that would be).

Thank you again for sharing it with me. I hope you’re getting better; however slowly and however difficult, I hope you’re able to heal. I don’t know what I can offer, but I’m here to talk with if you need to.

Love you, girl! For all the right reasons. I believed in you then. I believe in you more now.

I’m so happy that you are here with us. I really enjoy teaching you! I’m sorry for everything you’re going through but I’m glad I know you! I would love to hang w you sometimes as well! You are so much fun. 🙂

That’s bad. Not wildly different from what I imagined (i.e., sexual assault always seemed like the most probable cause), but really bad.

 

From past partners (male):

I can’t call right now but I wanted to reach out. The writing was good but I hated reading it. Is there anything I can do to help?

I’m astonished by you. Actually ew passive voice. You astonish me. I am astonished you could even be near anyone so soon after trauma like that. I’m sorry you ever had to endure any of that Anne. I’m in awe. I can’t believe you’ve got that kind of… fortitude.

I want to 1) wish you my condolences. What happened is absolutely horrible, disgusting and unacceptable. 2) I applaud you for having the courage to share your story. While I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to share, I believe it will inspire, encourage and empower other people and victims to speak out regarding sexual assault 3) I think you’re a good writer

Like all of these fine people, I am here if you need it. Proud to see so much support for you, dang.

Read the article, v brave to write let alone share. definitely probably better to read it then have to have you explain it on the fly? Also you may have noticed I move slower than some for that exact reason is because I don’t aspire to be one of the people in the article. […] If you are ever unsure or not down just lemme know and I completely get it.

 

From family (written, not in-person):

Ugh your story really affected me. I was almost shaking reading it… shaking with pure anger. I never knew this. I know we’re not super close but I had so much fun bonding with you over hikes and becoming closer as cousins. This just angers me to my core though. I cant stop saying it because all I want to do is yell obscenities towards those people. I love you Anne and I am ALWAYS here for you. Any day any time. ❤️

I love you <3 <3 <3

I saw your post and wanted to reach out

I read what you wrote and I’m there for you.